I met my husband when I was just fifteen years old. We went to high school together, and what started as teenage friendship eventually blossomed into young love. We dated for five years before finally tying the knot. I remember standing at the altar, reciting my vows, and feeling the temptation to skip over the hard parts of life—the sickness, the financial struggles, the moments of loss. But marriage isn’t just about the easy, joyful moments; it’s about weathering the storms together. Over the years, we’ve learned eight essential building blocks that have kept our marriage strong. These lessons weren’t learned in a book—they were learned with love, sweat, and tears. Every relationship is worth fighting for.
1. Love
Love isn’t only the electric spark you feel when you first meet someone. That initial passion is thrilling, but it’s not enough to carry you through life’s challenges. I’m talking about steadfast love—the kind that grows deeper over time and becomes the foundation of everything you build together. This love is what sustains you through trials, temptations, and hardships. It’s the love you see in elderly couples who move through life as one, understanding each other without words. They’ve grown together, weathered storms, and found contentment in simply being together. This is the love that becomes the heartbeat of your marriage.
2. Mutual Respect
While love deepens over time, respect is the fruit of that love. Men often need respect as much as—or even more than—love. Respect requires attention, nurturing, and protection. Life brings changes, and couples make different choices as they go along—perhaps one parent stays home while the other works, or responsibilities shift as children grow. Honoring and respecting these roles is crucial to staying connected. I’ll never forget when I asked my husband if I could go on a mission trip to Africa. He was surprised and hesitant, but he trusted my judgment. I went three times while he cared for our daughters, building his bond with them and deepening our trust. Respecting each other’s decisions strengthens the partnership in ways you can’t always foresee.
3. Loyalty
Every relationship has moments when your spouse drives you absolutely crazy. In those moments, choose carefully who you confide in. Oversharing or complaining to the wrong person can widen the gap instead of closing it. Life will test your patience, but giving yourself the grace to work through struggles without tarnishing your spouse’s reputation is key. Stand united, support each other, and don’t hesitate to seek counseling when needed. Professional guidance can provide perspective and help strengthen the connection.
4. Words Matter
It’s amazing how much power is packed into a tiny organ: the tongue. Words can build up a relationship—or tear it down in seconds. Once spoken, words can’t be taken back, so it’s essential to pause, reflect, and choose them wisely. Sometimes the best action is to walk away, gather your thoughts, and express your feelings in a way that fosters understanding rather than hurt. Thoughtful words can change the course of an argument and deepen your connection.
5. Don’t Go to Bed Angry
“Don’t let the sun go down on your anger” is advice I’ve lived by. Holding onto resentment benefits no one. Sleep suffers, tensions build, and small irritations pile up until they feel insurmountable. Instead, strive for “short accounts”—address concerns promptly, discuss your feelings openly, and seek resolution before the day ends. Even a simple walk together can open the door to conversation and restore peace before nightfall.
6. Don’t Trust the Hollywood Love Story
Marriage isn’t like the movies. It’s full of ups and downs, temptations, and moments when you might question your choices. Thoughts of “maybe it would be better with someone else” are natural, but they’re often illusions. As my mom always said, “The next one will eventually throw their dirty laundry on the floor, too.” When faced with temptation, don’t entertain the fantasy. Stay grounded, honor your commitment, and protect the relationship you’ve worked so hard to build.
7. Common Goals
Sharing goals has been a cornerstone of our life together. From simple milestones like surviving sleepless nights with a newborn, to educational and financial achievements, having shared objectives keeps you moving forward as a team. In 2019, my husband was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer while I simultaneously faced Bell’s palsy. Our goal became survival. We focused on treatments, surgeries, and tough conversations about the future. That focus helped us navigate not only his illness, but our daughters’ epilepsy and the grief of losing our son. Setting goals together allows you to tackle life’s challenges with clarity and unity.
8. Teamwork Makes the Dream Work
All the lessons above ultimately lead here: teamwork. There’s nothing like facing life’s journey with the person you’ve chosen to spend it with. I picture us in the future, rocking on our porch, watching grandchildren, reflecting on a life we built together. Memories swirl like a vivid mosaic, connecting the young couple we were to the older souls we’ve become. I see us like the couple in the movie UP—each of us incomplete without the other, yet together we’ve created something beautiful. Whatever life throws at you, face it as a team.
A Final Thought
Be brave. Some of you reading this may have lost love or faced heartbreak. At times, it may feel unattainable. I know—I didn’t always believe in the journey I was on. But wounds become scars, and scars are reminders of battles fought and survived. Take each day, each challenge, and fight for your love. Don’t give up on it. Without love, life feels empty. Pray for the right partner, be ready to work, and embrace every moment of building a future together.
