A dating app began it all. That’s where I met Adam while finishing my degree, never imagining that this person I video-chatted with would one day become the “Papa” to my children. From the start, we were honest about our dreams—we both wanted marriage, a home, and a family. For a gay couple, at that time, it seemed like an uphill climb, almost impossible at times, but we shared the same vision and determination.
It didn’t take long for us to know we were right for each other. Our relationship blossomed quickly, filled with laughter, shared hopes, and unwavering support. Adam proposed on top of Rockefeller Center in New York City, and when I looked down, my closest friends and family were waiting for a surprise engagement dinner nearby. We savored our engagement for two years before getting married on January 15, 2017, in Aberdeen, NJ. True to our style, we celebrated with a wedding that was full of joy, personality, and unforgettable moments.
After several moves, we knew our next step: a forever home. Apartments just wouldn’t do for long. We began searching near Adam’s job in Philadelphia, but the house hunt was brief—so we built our dream home from scratch. Nestled on a street filled with families, in a great school district, the construction would take six months. Even before the house was finished, our hearts were focused on starting a family. Since our earliest dates, we had talked about children, explored every option, and ultimately chose surrogacy as the path to parenthood.
Our surrogacy journey officially began in the summer of 2018. Adam reached out to several agencies that matched intended parents with surrogates. We had no idea how long this road would be. That August, we put down a deposit with The Surrogacy Experience and entered the waiting game. We dreamed of twins—a boy and a girl, each carrying the DNA of one of us. The agency warned it might take longer to find a surrogate willing to carry twins for a same-sex couple, but we stayed focused on our goal.
At the same time, we needed a fertility clinic for egg donation and embryo transfer. Many local clinics refused to do a double embryo transfer because of the risks, but we persisted and found Dr. Leondires at RMA of Connecticut in 2018. From the first meeting, we knew we were in the right place.
Managing all of this during a pandemic sounds overwhelming, but staying home gave us more time to focus. When our surrogate was medically cleared, our doctor asked if we had embryos ready for transfer. We hadn’t even selected an egg donor yet! For anyone pursuing surrogacy, my advice is simple: have embryos ready so there are no delays once your surrogate is prepared.
I immediately dove into searching for an egg donor online, spending hours creating accounts, reviewing profiles, and researching agencies. Initially, I was too picky—I wanted someone beautiful, with the right background, medical history, and appearance. Weeks passed, and hope began to fade, until I discovered a smaller agency and, finally, found her: a blonde woman with striking green eyes, donating for the first time. We connected and quickly felt a bond, confident she could help bring our family to life.
She underwent blood work and ultrasounds to be medically cleared for a twin pregnancy, which requires more eggs. But after all the tests, we were devastated to learn she wouldn’t be a match. I lay in bed, crying, asking God why this was happening. Was this a sign we weren’t meant to be parents? I felt defeated, frustrated, and angry.
Yet, I knew giving up wasn’t an option. Within an hour of resuming our search, we found another promising donor. The only initial “flaw” was her hair color—but her family history, medical background, and interests were perfect. After contacting the agency, Circle Surrogacy, they quickly responded, sending a video of the donor explaining why she wanted to help. She had previously donated 30 eggs, and her high egg count was ideal for our double embryo transfer. Coincidentally, she had just become available after another match fell through—it felt like destiny. We officially matched with her, and our journey accelerated.
By summer 2020, nearly two years had passed since we started surrogacy. The next step: egg retrieval. Our donor flew in from Montana after taking injections to stimulate egg production. Adam and I were present, taking pictures to show our future children. Meeting her was thrilling—unlike her previous anonymous donation, she was open to a personal connection with us. Incredibly, she produced 36 eggs, far exceeding typical numbers. Half were fertilized with my sperm, half with Adam’s, creating 19 healthy embryos ready for screening.
The waiting for results was excruciating. Adam dreamed of a son; I envisioned a daughter, imagining all the bows and cheerleading outfits. When the embryologist called, we learned the results: Adam had one male and several high-quality female embryos, while I had one female and multiple high-quality male embryos. We carefully planned the transfer, knowing we had only one optimal shot.
October 2020 was a month of heartbreak and hope. My father, who had battled pancreatic cancer for years, passed away. He had been a rock during our surrogacy journey, helping with decisions and sharing his excitement about becoming a grandparent. My sister’s wedding weekend coincided with his passing, and we shared a private bedside reception in his honor—a surreal and healing moment for our family.
On October 12, 2020, we finally watched our embryos being transferred into our surrogate via Zoom due to COVID-19 restrictions. Initially, the test was negative, crushing after my father’s death and the long wait. But after a few days, a faint positive line appeared, changing everything. Bloodwork confirmed the pregnancy, and the first ultrasound revealed two sacs—twins! We felt our father’s blessing in this miracle.
Every week of pregnancy brought joy and anticipation. We visited our surrogate in Wisconsin, joined appointments via Facetime, and celebrated virtual milestones, including a Beauty and the Beast-themed baby shower.
Delivery day arrived at 38 weeks. Initially scheduled for a C-section, we learned our surrogate could deliver vaginally, allowing us both in the operating room. On June 16, 2021, at 12:57 p.m., our son Austin Anthony was born. Just minutes later, at 1:02 p.m., our daughter Aubrey Alexis arrived safely after a tense moment with her breech presentation. Holding them for the first time, Adam and I became Papa and Daddy.
Our surrogate was incredible—selfless, loving, and completely committed. She respected our choices, communicated openly, and carried our twins full term while still working. We can never thank her enough for giving us our greatest gifts.
As I sit with Austin and Aubrey, peace and love fill my heart. They passed all health checks and were discharged 28 hours after birth, a rare milestone for twins. Driving home to New Jersey, our forever home, we reflected on the rollercoaster journey. The support of our family, friends, and coworkers carried us through every setback. Aubrey already shows her fiery personality, while Austin exudes calm and charm, just like Adam. Our story may be different, but with love, faith, and science, a party of two became a family of four—an adventure we will treasure forever.
