2020 was the year I decided to step out of my comfort zone—to be more outgoing, socially brave, and playful. I wanted to shed my shyness, loosen my need for structure, and relax my uptight tendencies. Most importantly, I chose to confront my social anxiety head-on.
At the start of the year, I set clear goals to make this happen. My first plan was to attend a Meetup.com group and visit a local brewery I had never been to before. True to my anxious nature, I kept putting it off, finally summoning the courage to go only on the last weekend of the month. I almost backed out entirely. After all, walking into a brewery alone on a Friday night as a single woman probably sounds intimidating to anyone—but for someone with social anxiety, it felt terrifying.
All the memories and photos you see here—every laugh, every adventure—would never have happened if I had let fear win that night.
When I finally sat down at the only open barstool, I found myself next to Tim, my now fiancé. From that very first moment, I noticed his sincerity and warm, good-hearted nature. We discovered a shared love for the outdoors, and I learned he even had a Ford Transit camper van, which he was building himself. I had always dreamed of having an adventure buddy—someone to teach me the ropes on camping and road trips—and Tim was that person.
From the start of our relationship, adventures in his van, Brutis, became a regular occurrence. Whether it was a lakeside dinner or a weekend camping trip, we were outside, exploring, and savoring life together. Even when the pandemic closed so much of the world down, we found joy in primitive camping sites and simple escapes in nature.
From our very first meeting, Tim shared about his children, Bowen and Brooklyn. I remember feeling a mix of excitement and nervousness—I had never dated someone with kids before. There was no rush to meet them, and I’m so grateful for the months we spent together building a strong foundation for our relationship first.
Building a relationship, whether with a partner or a child, takes time and patience. Tim and I agreed that introducing me to the kids should be casual and fun. My first encounter with Bowen, age 8, and Brooklyn, age 4, was at a local park during a barbecue-camping night. Brooklyn immediately warmed up to me—something that rarely happened with young girls her age. Bowen was cautious but curious; during dinner, he asked, “So what is it you do for work?” By the end of the night, Brooklyn wanted me to stay and camp with them, and Bowen gave me a tentative high five in acceptance. That night went perfectly.
From there, I continued to build trust with them through regular playdates at parks and campgrounds. We bonded in countless ways: playing make-believe with Brooklyn, racing down slides with Bowen, pushing Brooklyn on swings, encouraging them on their bikes, and playing “I Spy” in the van. Water adventures became another opportunity to grow trust. On a trip to the Oregon Coast, Brooklyn hesitated to join Tim and me in the jacuzzi. Holding her hands, I helped her float safely. “Please keep me safe!” she said, and my heart melted. I thought, Yes, baby girl, I will always keep you safe.
Showing affection and admiration for Tim also helped me gain the kids’ trust. Children notice everything. When Tim and I kissed, Bowen would happily exclaim, “I saw that!” and Brooklyn would squeal, “Kissing!” Their joy in seeing their dad happy reminded me of the love and care they have been raised with, surrounded by family who adores them.
I feel incredibly fortunate that Bowen and Brooklyn have been so loving and accepting of me. Not every stepmom is welcomed with such warmth, and their openness speaks to the nurturing environment they’ve always known.
Over the past year, our bond has grown through countless small but meaningful moments. Around Christmas, Bowen went from cautious to a chatterbox, eager to share everything with me. A few months later, he tested boundaries in the classic kid way—but this taught me a vital lesson: as a stepmom, patience is key. I’ve learned not to discipline or parent the children immediately; Tim handles most parenting while I focus on building trust, offering love, and creating joyful experiences together.
A milestone that touched me deeply came when Brooklyn chose me to help her with bath time. She insisted she could do it herself but needed help washing her hair. After running the bath water, I stayed by her side, washing her hair when she asked—and even her My Little Pony’s mane and tail afterward. For the same little girl who used to shout, “Don’t look!” while changing, this moment of trust was incredibly precious.
Understanding a child’s love language has also been key. Brooklyn thrives on touch and affection, always asking to snuggle. Bowen responds to words of affirmation, beaming at praise and encouragement. By honoring their needs and love languages, I help them feel secure and cherished, which strengthens our bond every day.
When I first explored stepmom support groups online, I was disheartened by the negativity I found. My own journey, however, has been the opposite: a profound blessing and a tremendous learning experience. I hope sharing it will give encouragement to other stepmoms and stepmoms-to-be, showing that positive, loving relationships with stepchildren are entirely possible.
Looking back at my 2020 goals—overcoming social anxiety, being more playful, and letting go of rigidity—I can honestly say I’ve achieved them in ways I never imagined. I met the love of my life, Tim, and his adventurous, loving children. They have taught me so much about embracing fear, letting loose, and most importantly, how to nurture and love like a mom.
