Growing up with a stay-at-home mom, I always pictured myself following a similar path—being home with my children while my husband went off to work each day. I imagined the quiet mornings, the bedtime stories, the everyday rhythms of family life. But life has a way of surprising you. I never anticipated how much I would enjoy the challenge of starting and growing a business alongside my husband. And yet, as my lifelong dream of being a stay-at-home mom shifted alongside my evolving professional goals, I often found myself caught in an internal tug-of-war. I’ve come to understand that neither choice—staying home or running a business—is inherently better than the other. And yet, for years, I carried a lingering unease. During the pandemic, as I tried to juggle both worlds at once, it became clear: I couldn’t do it all.
Mom guilt, as Healthline describes, is “that pervasive feeling of not doing enough as a parent, not doing things right, or making decisions that may ‘mess up’ your kids in the long run.” Sometimes it’s small, like regretting giving your child mac and cheese for the third meal in a row instead of broccoli. Sometimes it feels monumental, like worrying you can’t send them to an expensive private school, convinced that it’s the only path to their success. It’s the constant whisper of “I should be doing this, that, or the other,” and it’s exhausting.
It’s easy to feel alone in this struggle, but in reality, millions of women share it. According to the U.S. Census, there are 23.5 million women in the U.S. who are working while raising children under 18. One working mother told me she used to feel guilty putting her kids in front of the TV to get work done—and now she feels guilty sending them to childcare. Over the past year, many parents have wrestled with similar feelings, trying to balance work and home life, only to feel like they were dropping the ball in both arenas.
Identifying Core Values
About two years ago, I met with a therapist who helped me identify my core values. We made a list of what I truly believed in and wanted to prioritize in life. As we grouped similar items together, it became clear that only a few core values were truly central to me. Completing the exercise, I realized that my inner conflict came from trying to pursue two things I was deeply passionate about. My business fulfills my value of strengthening families by supporting parents through the transition to parenthood. Being a stay-at-home mom fulfills that same value by allowing me to guide my own children as they grow into thoughtful, capable adults. Both paths were “good” in their own right, which is why I had felt so unsettled. Recognizing this was only the first step; the next was figuring out how to balance them deliberately.
Life often requires us to make choices that prioritize one value over another—but the key is to make those choices consciously. For example, a parent might have a work meeting scheduled at the same time as their child’s soccer game. Some let the choice happen to them: attend the work meeting because the boss requested a presentation, or go to the soccer game because the coach asked for help with halftime snacks. The guilt creeps in when decisions aren’t made deliberately. Choosing not to choose is still a choice—and it often leaves us feeling unsettled.
When We Let Choices Happen to Us
Working from home can put tremendous strain on mothers trying to balance professional and parental responsibilities. Tracy Brown, author of Why Working From Home is So Exhausting – And How to Reinvigorate, explains that autonomy, self-expression, and a sense of control are fundamental to mental health. When we let circumstances dictate our choices, we drain ourselves emotionally and physically. But when we make deliberate decisions, we feel more fulfilled.
Returning to our earlier example: if a parent consciously decides to attend the work meeting instead of the soccer game—but then plans a dedicated time to go for ice cream with their child the next day—they honor both their values. The key is recognizing that trying to “have it all” without trade-offs is a fantasy. Balance comes from intention, not luck.
Choosing to Make Decisions
As the pandemic eases and schools and workplaces reopen, opportunities to make intentional choices return. For me, sending my children to childcare for a few hours a day allows me to focus fully on work without constant mental back-and-forth. Finding a place I feel good about wasn’t easy—this is uncharted territory for me—but the decision empowers me to work with focus and return to my children with presence and energy. I now see that by deliberately structuring my day, I am fulfilling my core value of strengthening families: influencing and supporting other parents during work hours, and investing fully in my own children during family time. Of course, there will be days when a child is sick or a work meeting pops up unexpectedly—but making conscious choices, rather than reacting to every demand, keeps guilt at bay.
When we allow external demands or fleeting impulses to make choices for us, we risk emotional exhaustion. True peace comes from identifying our core values and intentionally acting to honor them. By doing so, we reclaim control of our lives, feel confident in our decisions, and find a balance between work and home that is uniquely ours.
